No Longer The Minority

A while ago I wrote a blog post about my journey of adaptation to life and practice as a music therapist in a country where I was a minority. You can read that blog post here. However, current day, I am living and working in Bermuda.

I grew up here.

I have family here.

I began my musical and academic journey here.

There are so many moments and memories that can be mapped back to my upbringing in Bermuda.

I can’t tell you just how valuable an experience it was to grow up feeling comfortable around people that looked like me as well as with people that didn’t look like me. Yes, I learned about Black History every February and the atrocities that took place during the Holocaust. I knew about war and inequality from a very young age. However, this didn’t seem to impact the way I thought about or treated other people.

Though, in hindsight there were many divisions present.

I went to public school from primary 1 - primary 6. The ratio of people of colour VS non-POCs was definitely skewed toward more people of colour. When I switched to private school in year 7 - year 13, I was not happy about it. Naturally, I wanted to continue my academic journey with the friends I had built up until that point.

It was comfortable.

It was all I knew.

However, eventually I learned to accept the situation and make new friends. I had to learn how to maintain friendships even if we didn’t see each other every day. Looking back, that was a valuable lesson and skill to learn at such a young age. But I digress…

In middle and high school, the ratio of people of colour VS non-POCs was less dramatic. There was more of a balance, but still skewed toward more people of colour. Depending on the class, the group activity, the outing, etc. I could either be in the minority according to race or in the majority. The flip flop act never crossed my mind or had any affect on my ability to feel comfortable. One thing that may have fed into this was the fact that everyone had to wear the same uniform. (This is also true for public schools in Bermuda). The uniforms eliminated the visibility of social class or access to resources despite the very real existence of such among the mix of students.

I should also mention that I am of mixed heritage.

I come from family that has descendants from England, the West-Indies, and South Asia. This may have also played into the reason I felt comfortable with people of diverse heritage. I write all of this to provide a little more context about where my lens was at prior to leaving Bermuda for university in Canada.

When I arrived to Canada and sat in my first music class, I had an epiphany moment.

I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but it was in that class that I first realised I was a black woman. I mean, I always knew I was black, but until that point I never really thought about it too deeply. In that first class, I felt like a total outcast. I felt like everyone noticed me because I was visibly different. I felt like there was no real place to hide or fit in, and as an ambivert in a new environment, this made me incredibly anxious.

There was nothing anybody had done to make me feel this way.

Everyone was so kind, friendly, and accepting; but until that day I had NEVER been in a room where I was the only black person. Fortunately, in the general music classes there were a few more people of colour (about 4 total) that were also in class and made me feel less "obvious.” You know that feeling when you have a pimple on your face and it might be the smallest thing that no one would ever notice unless you point it out, but to YOU; it feels like that is all anyone sees when they look at you? That is how I felt.

Overtime, I came to terms with this feeling and learned to adapt in and out of the school setting. Some of which I detailed in the blogpost I linked earlier.

Now that I’m back in Bermuda, I’m no longer a minority.

I’m no longer required to adapt so drastically to support the therapeutic and musical needs of my service users because, among us, we have many shared cultural vibrations. It feels amazing to lean into syncopation and off-beats (2 & 4). It feels wonderful to explore bluesy chord progressions and soulful (and maybe a bit cheeky) dance moves.

I’m having to challenge myself to tap into parts of my musicality that got pushed aside for a very long time and I must say… I’m enjoying the ride. :)

Happy Black History Month everyone. <3

xoxo Hayley