Did I Fall Out Of Love With Music Therapy?

It's been a while since I've sat at this computer to write a blogpost. A lot has happened since my move back home and I'm so happy to be back here. I'm happy to be surrounded by the smell of salt water ocean, beautiful blue and green landscapes, and most importantly the people in my life that care about me the most.

Transitioning is not an easy thing to do, but I knew that it was a necessary step for me. Prior to moving, I was in quite a big rut creatively and I thought, as soon as I move I'll have the space and energy to create again. Well, boy oh boy was I wrong! Let's talk about the deception that is "arrival fallacy."

In his book Happier, Tal Ben-Shahar calls this the “arrival fallacy,” the belief that once you make it, once you attain your goal or arrive at a certain destination, you’ll reach lasting happiness. In most cases, this is simply untrue. 

If I'm being honest, I don't know how to take a break. I've done a poor job at setting boundaries with the people in my professional circles to respect my time and energy when I say I'm taking a break. I haven't been able to find that work-life harmony that we all seem to be in pursuit of. 

So what happens if my mindset is not one rooted in the arrival fallacy?

Grace.

At least, that's the answer I've determined for myself thus far. 

I recognize that I am constantly on! I am constantly saying yes... and feeling bad about saying no. I am constantly thinking of new ideas and figuring out ways to bring them to reality. I am constantly creating content for a digital world of people that I wish I could meet, but may never meet, and don't really know if they care AT ALL about what I have to say... and yet, I do it anyway. 

I recognize that I am losing the passion I had for making music for my own healing and self-care. I am accepting that my self-care practices evolve and change. I am in a place where I feel I am simultaneously letting people down while being all-in with others. I simultaneously feel like I know about a lot and about nothing. In writing this, I don't even know if I am making sense. 

What does make sense is that I am doing the best I can and I hope you are as well! That's all we can control. That's all we can ever do... the next right thing.